By Belayneh Abate
Dear Mr. Obama,
I have been thinking that you need ordinary persons as advisers since the democratically elected hurricane damaged your legacies. As you know, some advise for money, some advise for duty, and others advise for conscience. I belong to the later advisers group since I am not paid or assigned to the duty of adviser. Please do not undermine my advice about this complex world where lies rule the truth, and wrongs govern the rights.
I understand you have many advisers, but you need advisers that listen to the agony of destitute Africans, not advisers that kick of cheers and chants with the African human- eater chicks. I believe you need advisers willing to look into the hunger, the disease, the harassment, the imprisonment, the torture, and the massacre of Africans by these African Chicks. The African chicks are the forty something human-eater immature chickens you met at the china nest in Addis Ababa. (Addis Ababa- our New Flower was supposed to attract bees, not chicks).
In case you want to know why they are called chicks, it has something to do with the traditional beautiful Ethiopian ladies. Whenever the Ethiopian ladies want to gather their chicks, they spread seeds such as wheat and say “kul-kul… kul kul …kul kul kul. Listening the kul-kul sounds and looking at the seeds, the chicks gather around the ladies. The tactical ladies, then, do whatever they want with the gathered chicks. Please do not consider this tactic as Lucy era strategy and ignore my advice. The followers of the wise Tao, the Chinese leaders, have been using this tactic to gather the African chicks for more than 20 years. I know you have been spreading some seeds too, but you have been sowing them at the infertile lands. I advise you to sow the seeds in the garden of the most amoral and influential chicks. (Certainly not at the garden of the amoral chick whose name you could not pronounce-Hyle Maram. No blame here, I cannot pronounce Schwarzenegger, either). If you strictly follow this advice, you can gather the chicks without uttering sub-standard phrases such as “democratically elected”.
Mr. Obama, you are not supposed to stop at seed spreading and gathering chicks. Once the chick gathering turns profitable, you need to pay back the chicks. Like the Foster farm chicks, African chicks like comfort and safety. Therefore, you need to build them “made in America” nests as china builds them “made in China” nests. Since America nests are more dependable than China nests, the chicks will prefer to shelter in the America nests. In other words, these nests will assist you to snatch the chicks from China’s fists. Furthermore, the America nests will provide you a homely environment when you meet the chicks during your next visit. If you build the American nests and change Addis Ababa from a panda restaurant to a steak house city, you will remember Washington instead of Beijing, and you will refrain from declaring human- eater chicks “democratically elected roosters.”
Mr. Obama, if you want to keep the African chicks with you for long, building the nests is not sufficient, either. You ought to send them well experienced hackers that could monitor the kitchen, bedrooms and restrooms of Africans, and block public medias such as websites, online libraries, face books, twitters, telecommunications, google and other forms of information and knowledge channels. As humanitarian organizations know, the African chicks like darkness and they do not want the world know what they do in their backyards. The African chicks allow the world to know only the kinds of seeds they want.
If you follow my advices and sow the seeds in their gardens, build those nests, block public medias, stay quite when they slaughter women and children, provide them health care at state-of-the art hospitals, and permit their kids to join your prestigious schools, the chicks will fall in love with you and ask what they can do for Michelle and you.
Otherwise, do not think you persuaded the chicks to trade with you, instead of china, for the following reasons. Firstly, you talked to the chicks grasping china microphone, holding coffee in china cup and standing on a china carpet laid in a china nest, and this is not ethically right. Secondly, you entered into the china nest as a guest and tried to snatch china’s chicks and that neither is morally right. Thirdly, you did not provide the chicks with comfort and safety items we discussed although you presented a “democratically selected” gift to the Lucy chicks a day before.
As my grandmother used to say, the story of chicks cannot be completed in one night. However, I do not like to leave you with one side story of chicks like your professional advisers do. The African chicks change forms based on directions as chameleons change colors based on their surroundings. When the African chicks turn towards east, they wear Mao Zedong’s suits and spread their wings to receive seeds. When they turn to the west, they dress up Jefferson’s waistcoat and stretch their legs to beg for seeds.
On the other hand, when these chicks turn towards their citizens, they instantly develop pig and hyena twin mouths. With their pig mouths, they devour blood and flesh until their citizens remain with bones and skins. With their hyena mouths, they crush the bones of citizens that exert resistance against the pig mouths. The proofs for these chicks’ metamorphosis are millions of Africans who are starved, sickened, evicted, exiled, imprisoned, tortured, and massacred. I understand you do not care much about these atrocities, but I have to tell you since I do not want to sleep covered with unclean conscience. Thank you for listening and good night.
A note for readers: I am sure Mr. Obama is not going to carry this letter home. He will throw it in his airplane trash bag like other rights advocates’ letters. Therefore, I request readers to deliver this letter to Mrs. Obama in case she has a better gut for her ancestors suffering from brutal actions of human- eater immature chickens whom her husband called democratically elected roosters.
Mr. Obama, I, most of you and the human-eating chicks will not be around after 50 years; however whatever we have said, whatever we have not said, whatever we have done, and whatever we have not done will live even after the universe ends.
Belayneh Abate (email@example.com)
August 5, 20015
By Belayneh Abate